when i was a child, minding my own life,
you made fun of my shape,
you said i was too fat and too meek,
that i couldn’t bend and touch my toes.
still i said nothing.
you took advantage of my docility
and enslaved me as “nature’s freak”,
i broke my back for you to cheat and steal and ravage.
still i said nothing.
when i was a boy, finding my way,
you made fun of my intelligence,
you called me a nerd and a geek,
made me resent my good grades
still i said nothing.
you made fun of my religion,
you said my gods were funny and weak,
questioned my motives, beliefs and philosophy.
still i said nothing.
when i was a young man, increasing in confidence,
you made fun of my lack of direction.
you said i was confused and my future was bleak,
that i would be lost in my own backyard.
still i said nothing.
you made fun of my culture and heritage,
you ignored the niche i was trying to eke,
dismissed me as a slave of my past.
still i said nothing.
now i’m a healthy adult,
you cant make fun of my success
for all the reasons you may seek.
your home falls apart around you.
still i say nothing.
your fortunes have been turned,
this is the end of your winning streak.
all alone, your old friends with troubles of their own.
still i say nothing.
in the future, i will rule the world
with all the others that you tormented.
together we will scale the peak
of the mountain you could never dream of climbing.
and i will still say nothing.
when you have failed on all fronts and lost all hope,
you will want to come by and take a peek
at our success and maybe even join us.
and i will still say nothing.
(as an allegory for India)
- satyajit venkatraman
july, 2010
illusions of reality
I. disillusion
used to see in colour
but now its only flashes of black and white.
tantalizing sensations
all that i touch burns my fingers.
used to hear you sing to me
but now its only sounds that hurt my ears.
no more sweet languages
only words that make no sense anymore.
built this fortress stone by stone
protection from the evil world.
one by one i left behind
everything that was dear to me.
but now its all gone,
even my decadent mind is not my own now.
II. despair
used to be the lucky one
but now i always draw the shortest straw.
mystifying choices
don’t know which is worse, isolation or remorse.
used to have a magic touch
but now all my spells are voodoo hexes.
my wishes have been granted
and my worst dreams have come true.
built this fortress stone by stone
protection from the evil world.
one by one i left behind
everything that was dear to me.
but now that i want to break free
i’m trapped by my own creation.
III. discovery
is my disillusion and despair real?
or a figment of my infidel mind?
was i trying to escape from my own illusions of reality?
all that colour, those tantalizing sensations;
is that my past, erased forever
or just my suppressed memories?
is everything i once loved waiting out there for me?
should i live in despair or die recovering my desire?
built this fortress stone by stone
and now i’ll break it down.
one by one i will bring together
everything i have left behind.
and now that i want to break free
will my own creation hold me back?
IV. desire
didn’t know how long it would take
or how hard it would be.
didn’t know where the road i had to take would lead
but i had to find my way out of the madness.
somewhere along the way, my illusion turned into an infinite void
and my insanity leaked into the endless ocean of delirium.
now i’m in a vast emptiness surrounded by broken stones
and a whole world of colour and undiscovered sensations.
built this fortress stone by stone
and now i’ll break it down.
one by one i will bring together
everything i have left behind.
and now that i want to break free
i know my own creation wont hold me back.
- satyajit venkatraman
29th june 2010
(inspired by “Black and White World” by Redemption)
not a storm
not a storm
of swirling waters and churning skies.
swallowing everything it can overtake
and leaving emptiness and sorrow in its wake.
not a fire
fierce and untamed, devouring all things living and dead.
raging without limit, destroying without care
not many can subdue it and if you’re in the way, beware!
just a simple man trying to live life,
to exist without much ado.
just another gloomy optimist,
there’s so many, its nothing new.
not a mountain
rising above the mediocrity.
solid and unwavering against the tumultuous world
plain for all to see, with all its majesty unfurled.
not a bird
flying free and tranquil above it all.
surveying the madness down below
but distant and always mellow.
just a simple man trying to live life,
to exist without much ado.
just another gloomy optimist,
there’s so many, its nothing new.
not a angel
or an agent of a higher power.
protecting the virtues and morals
of people who are mere mortals.
not a hero
fighting wars and saving the world.
finding miracle cures, inventing wondrous machines,
flying stricken planes, simply better than other human beings.
just a simple man trying to live life,
to exist without much ado.
just another gloomy optimist,
there’s so many, its nothing new.
of swirling waters and churning skies.
swallowing everything it can overtake
and leaving emptiness and sorrow in its wake.
not a fire
fierce and untamed, devouring all things living and dead.
raging without limit, destroying without care
not many can subdue it and if you’re in the way, beware!
just a simple man trying to live life,
to exist without much ado.
just another gloomy optimist,
there’s so many, its nothing new.
not a mountain
rising above the mediocrity.
solid and unwavering against the tumultuous world
plain for all to see, with all its majesty unfurled.
not a bird
flying free and tranquil above it all.
surveying the madness down below
but distant and always mellow.
just a simple man trying to live life,
to exist without much ado.
just another gloomy optimist,
there’s so many, its nothing new.
not a angel
or an agent of a higher power.
protecting the virtues and morals
of people who are mere mortals.
not a hero
fighting wars and saving the world.
finding miracle cures, inventing wondrous machines,
flying stricken planes, simply better than other human beings.
just a simple man trying to live life,
to exist without much ado.
just another gloomy optimist,
there’s so many, its nothing new.
not an art
with magnificent skills inherent.
flair presented with audacity
years of toil and tears resulting in a spectacle of serenity.
not a dream
of infinite possibilities without boundary.
where all is possible in a tranquil state
and the ending is always great.
just a simple man trying to live life,
to exist without much ado.
just another gloomy optimist,
there’s so many, its nothing new.
- satyajit venkatraman
may, 2010
with magnificent skills inherent.
flair presented with audacity
years of toil and tears resulting in a spectacle of serenity.
not a dream
of infinite possibilities without boundary.
where all is possible in a tranquil state
and the ending is always great.
just a simple man trying to live life,
to exist without much ado.
just another gloomy optimist,
there’s so many, its nothing new.
- satyajit venkatraman
may, 2010
haunted
haunted by the past;
places you’ve been and things you’ve seen,
people you’ve met, and skeletons in the closet,
emotions you’ve felt and the cards you’ve been dealt.
haunted by memories
good ones, bad ones, with you forever.
things you’ll never forget, alliances that you cannot sever,
nostalgic thoughts and beliefs that you revere.
haunted by the present
who you are, and your desires never too far
fighting to stay afloat, in this world like a sinking boat;
running a race that you never thought you would face.
haunted by friends and by family,
dear ones that cannot see that you have a vision.
distant as it may seem, its not just an illusion,
you’ve set out alone on your mission.
haunted by the future
where do you go from here, miles to go or somewhere near?
will you find your way and keep your detractors at bay?
will you be happy when you die, or was it all just a lie?
haunted by transience of life
what’s it all for? what happens in the end
to dreams and the beliefs that, through your life, you defend?
are you just another man, or a legend?
satyajit venkatraman
may 2010
places you’ve been and things you’ve seen,
people you’ve met, and skeletons in the closet,
emotions you’ve felt and the cards you’ve been dealt.
haunted by memories
good ones, bad ones, with you forever.
things you’ll never forget, alliances that you cannot sever,
nostalgic thoughts and beliefs that you revere.
haunted by the present
who you are, and your desires never too far
fighting to stay afloat, in this world like a sinking boat;
running a race that you never thought you would face.
haunted by friends and by family,
dear ones that cannot see that you have a vision.
distant as it may seem, its not just an illusion,
you’ve set out alone on your mission.
haunted by the future
where do you go from here, miles to go or somewhere near?
will you find your way and keep your detractors at bay?
will you be happy when you die, or was it all just a lie?
haunted by transience of life
what’s it all for? what happens in the end
to dreams and the beliefs that, through your life, you defend?
are you just another man, or a legend?
satyajit venkatraman
may 2010
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