this is one of the most profound pieces of writing i've experienced and its even more amazing since its so simple....god bless Pink Floyd!
Time
(Mason, Waters, Wright, Gilmour) 7:06
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.
Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.
10 years
as 2007 draws to a close, i found myself meandering mentally during our drive home from somewhere this evening. what can happen in ten years? well, i told myself, history repeats itself, so whats happened in the last 10 years....?
1997:
i was 10 years younger (!!!???) and had just become a legal adult (strangely, i earned the right to vote 3 years before that). i also left the shores of my homeland for the first time, flying all the way across the world to the fascinating new world that i'd heard of (and had an overdose of on tv) to see sis and kid (only one around then) in uber-grand US of A. in those days, i was still under the "quit india movement" influence of the 90s and dreamt of studying (an MBA, perhaps?) at kellog or wharton before getting a $$$-job. actually, its more like i assumed thats what i'd end up doing 'coz it was the rule of the day! while not fooling around the countryside in the US, i was sweating it out working with Dad trying to get the new factory financed. every day was a grind, running from pillar to post at several banks and govt offices with a beggar's bowl worth of application forms and suchlike. i had a 110-cc suzuki shogun, the most powerful bike i'd ever ridden and which was 1 of my 2 prized possessions competing with my Sony FH B1000 music system; Dad had bought me both of these things when i was in college. besides money for petrol, i earned a measly 1K a month, which dad mostly forgot about until i sheepishly asked him every month. i had just appeared for my CA inter exams for the first time (which i eventually and inevitably failed). i was notoriously introverted and anti-social, mingling with a select few who, if i may add, were probably the few who understood me. back in those days, everyone in the room would stop speaking and look at me if i spoke like it was a rare, historic event! my "curfew" was a pathetic 10 PM and that was only if i was at a identifiable and trust-worthy friend's place! i could list all the people i knew on a piece of paper (including passing acquaintances). unknowingly, innocently and uncontrollably, i was hurtling into what i still believe was the worst period of my life...
yup, my life back then was fascinating! everyone who was 30-plus kept insisting that those were the best years of my life and i would know why when i reached their age - did i miss the plot, anyone?
2007:
i'm older, wiser (?), infinitely more "successful". i think my salary has multiplied some 200 times (give or take) over the last 10 years. i have a fancy designation and a job that i enjoy thoroughly and i have a good feeling about whats to come. after my first trip to the US of A, i've gone back a couple of times on work besides having visited the UK (worked there for several months), France, Italy, Thailand, Singapore and several more exotic places back home - i think i'm reasonably "well-traveled", what say? i was cured of the $$$-infection by a medicine that works on anyone, at anytime and for any disease - maturity. not to say i don't want to go or work abroad, its just not the only (or the best) option any longer. as i always say, the best balance is an india-based job requiring frequent foreign travel - the best of both worlds. i have several prized possessions now - our new home in pune, my ford ikon, my stephen king collection, my cd collection, my nikon coolpix 8700; all of which, i'm proud to say, i bought myself (not counting J's invaluable contribution which is counted as my own). i got through the deep, dark tunnel of my ca days (see older post). nowadays i'm only a closet introvert (??!!) 'coz my work alter-ego is a garrulous and chatty no-nonsense fellow who can converse with almost anyone he bumps into at the coffee machine. i have no curfew except the dirty looks that J attacks me with if i get home past midnight from one of my office engagements (especially if i've told her that i'd be back before 11!). i cherish the greys in my hair and my beard (though J is quite perturbed by the increasing numbers). today, i can't name all my friends - on orkut/ facebook, the ones that are on my cell phone or my old, tattered address books, the ones somewhere lost in the corners of my mind (i'm sure they all wish me well, god bless you all).
i feel good about myself and believe that my life will get progressively better as i grow older. why do all those 30-plus people dwell on the past? very few people i know tell me that the best time in their lives is now - i've heard school days, college days, teenage years, 20s and all sorts of other combinations and things in-between...i love my life today!
1997:
i was 10 years younger (!!!???) and had just become a legal adult (strangely, i earned the right to vote 3 years before that). i also left the shores of my homeland for the first time, flying all the way across the world to the fascinating new world that i'd heard of (and had an overdose of on tv) to see sis and kid (only one around then) in uber-grand US of A. in those days, i was still under the "quit india movement" influence of the 90s and dreamt of studying (an MBA, perhaps?) at kellog or wharton before getting a $$$-job. actually, its more like i assumed thats what i'd end up doing 'coz it was the rule of the day! while not fooling around the countryside in the US, i was sweating it out working with Dad trying to get the new factory financed. every day was a grind, running from pillar to post at several banks and govt offices with a beggar's bowl worth of application forms and suchlike. i had a 110-cc suzuki shogun, the most powerful bike i'd ever ridden and which was 1 of my 2 prized possessions competing with my Sony FH B1000 music system; Dad had bought me both of these things when i was in college. besides money for petrol, i earned a measly 1K a month, which dad mostly forgot about until i sheepishly asked him every month. i had just appeared for my CA inter exams for the first time (which i eventually and inevitably failed). i was notoriously introverted and anti-social, mingling with a select few who, if i may add, were probably the few who understood me. back in those days, everyone in the room would stop speaking and look at me if i spoke like it was a rare, historic event! my "curfew" was a pathetic 10 PM and that was only if i was at a identifiable and trust-worthy friend's place! i could list all the people i knew on a piece of paper (including passing acquaintances). unknowingly, innocently and uncontrollably, i was hurtling into what i still believe was the worst period of my life...
yup, my life back then was fascinating! everyone who was 30-plus kept insisting that those were the best years of my life and i would know why when i reached their age - did i miss the plot, anyone?
2007:
i'm older, wiser (?), infinitely more "successful". i think my salary has multiplied some 200 times (give or take) over the last 10 years. i have a fancy designation and a job that i enjoy thoroughly and i have a good feeling about whats to come. after my first trip to the US of A, i've gone back a couple of times on work besides having visited the UK (worked there for several months), France, Italy, Thailand, Singapore and several more exotic places back home - i think i'm reasonably "well-traveled", what say? i was cured of the $$$-infection by a medicine that works on anyone, at anytime and for any disease - maturity. not to say i don't want to go or work abroad, its just not the only (or the best) option any longer. as i always say, the best balance is an india-based job requiring frequent foreign travel - the best of both worlds. i have several prized possessions now - our new home in pune, my ford ikon, my stephen king collection, my cd collection, my nikon coolpix 8700; all of which, i'm proud to say, i bought myself (not counting J's invaluable contribution which is counted as my own). i got through the deep, dark tunnel of my ca days (see older post). nowadays i'm only a closet introvert (??!!) 'coz my work alter-ego is a garrulous and chatty no-nonsense fellow who can converse with almost anyone he bumps into at the coffee machine. i have no curfew except the dirty looks that J attacks me with if i get home past midnight from one of my office engagements (especially if i've told her that i'd be back before 11!). i cherish the greys in my hair and my beard (though J is quite perturbed by the increasing numbers). today, i can't name all my friends - on orkut/ facebook, the ones that are on my cell phone or my old, tattered address books, the ones somewhere lost in the corners of my mind (i'm sure they all wish me well, god bless you all).
i feel good about myself and believe that my life will get progressively better as i grow older. why do all those 30-plus people dwell on the past? very few people i know tell me that the best time in their lives is now - i've heard school days, college days, teenage years, 20s and all sorts of other combinations and things in-between...i love my life today!
Pale Grey Sky
And even as I watched
The grey sky turned to blue;
And from the shell of sky
Came a sight so sweet - light of day.
Why could this have not been
A moment or year ago?
Why now?
When everything faded, jaded and paled
Has disappeared into nothingness?
And even as I watched
The Mist fought with the Sun
For control, for supremacy,
First one, then the other, gains control
But for a moment.
Then with a swoop of finality,
The mist wrests control.
And as if to say “I didn’t have a chance anyway”,
The Sun disappears.
As I wander in the mist all alone I wonder -
Am I the last one left alive?
Am I the only one to survive?
But when I look up to the sky I see
Its just begun.
There’s a long, long way to go.
Where is the end?
No one knows...
satyajit venkatraman
September 24, 1998
the flight of the rat
Out of the corner of his eye
The rat sees the piece of Cheddar.
His mouth drips, his tongue drools;
“Dinner”, he thinks;
His eyes light up at the prospect.
He surveys the scene –
All’s quite well,
No one in sight, no one in sound.
He creeps towards his feast,
Cautious, trembling, nervous, anxious.
“When was the last time?” he thinks.
Starving, raving mad with hunger, he cannot remember –
His last meal.
He pauses, starts crying – self-pity.
It occurs in his mind that his last meal
(for it to be called so would be a disgrace to the word)
Was the last devil’s moon,
Several eons past since then –
Time for a rat is quite different.
Snaps back, panics, looks around
Terrified that he might have reminisced his feast away.
“Slow down” he yells at his heart, “it’s okay”
How wrong,
Over the Cheddar, unnoticed, is a dark guillotine –
A hook, a trap, call it what you may.
The rat inches forward, not at the speed of light.
“This is it” the thought flashing through his miserable brain.
Then, he snaps, warning lights flash.
“So close, yet so far…” his miserable brain again.
He turns around and flees, too scared to think of the cheese.
“Something’s wrong, something’s wrong…”
Under cover, at last, he looks back;
What was it that scared him away?
He surveys the scene – all’s quite well -
No one in sight, no one in sound.
So begins his next mission to annex the feast.
“History repeats itself…” he thinks
After performing an encore.
“Damn my damn mind” – after another
And the show will go on...
satyajit venkatraman
September 3, 1998
The rat sees the piece of Cheddar.
His mouth drips, his tongue drools;
“Dinner”, he thinks;
His eyes light up at the prospect.
He surveys the scene –
All’s quite well,
No one in sight, no one in sound.
He creeps towards his feast,
Cautious, trembling, nervous, anxious.
“When was the last time?” he thinks.
Starving, raving mad with hunger, he cannot remember –
His last meal.
He pauses, starts crying – self-pity.
It occurs in his mind that his last meal
(for it to be called so would be a disgrace to the word)
Was the last devil’s moon,
Several eons past since then –
Time for a rat is quite different.
Snaps back, panics, looks around
Terrified that he might have reminisced his feast away.
“Slow down” he yells at his heart, “it’s okay”
How wrong,
Over the Cheddar, unnoticed, is a dark guillotine –
A hook, a trap, call it what you may.
The rat inches forward, not at the speed of light.
“This is it” the thought flashing through his miserable brain.
Then, he snaps, warning lights flash.
“So close, yet so far…” his miserable brain again.
He turns around and flees, too scared to think of the cheese.
“Something’s wrong, something’s wrong…”
Under cover, at last, he looks back;
What was it that scared him away?
He surveys the scene – all’s quite well -
No one in sight, no one in sound.
So begins his next mission to annex the feast.
“History repeats itself…” he thinks
After performing an encore.
“Damn my damn mind” – after another
And the show will go on...
satyajit venkatraman
September 3, 1998
Bengaluru blues...
i’m a true-blue
visiting my parents briefly in
when i was 5: our first house in
the palatial bungalow has long since given way to an ugly mall called safina plaza, a perennial traffic jam outside (like the rest of bengaluru, right?), the parade grounds are off-limits for the “public”, and it would take you an hour to cross cubbon road to get there anyway.
when i was 10: walking to the bus stop near in 6th block koramangala early in the morning, i remember the thick fog in which i would not be able to see my hand if i stretched it out in front of me. in the evenings, we would ride like daredevils on our bicycles all the way to the marsh separating koramangala from the airport.
the same stretch is still enveloped by fog – just a different kind that’s rich in cardon-dioxide. the marsh is now a maze of glass-fronted complexes of miscellaneous shops and offices (how the hell did they build them on a marsh?). there’s a string of “hip” restaurants, bars and such-like all over with misguided youngsters in them feeling like they’re part of the “new generation X”.
when i was 15: at this time, we were staying in a piece of paradise called convent road – in the heart of town, walking distance from the “commercial hub”, and my school (Bishop Cottons on St. Marks road), surrounded by woods on several private properties and school grounds all around. from my bedroom window i could see fascinating eagles, kites, parrots and miriad exotic creatures go about their business.
no more woods, only more glass-fronted corporate offices. no more birds, unless you count the scavenging crows.
when i was 20: we moved to a new, desolate “layout” intriguingly called btm. (the best interpretation of that name was that it lay between the villages of bannerghatta, thavarekere and madivala). disconnected from civilization as we knew it, with its own private lake, it took us back to the koramangala-like environment that we thought had gone forever.
enter the ring road, exit peace and quiet. the same story all over again, i’m too depressed to go into the details of this one except that my old pal ravi and his “bakery” selling bananas, chai, cigarettes, veg. puffs, “dilpasand”, groceries and anything else you may have ever needed, has warped into a swanky atm.
when i was 25: btm part II – we moved even further away, down bannerghatta road to a group of 3 towering buildings that was L&T south city in the back of beyond. veritably on the edge of town, the only sight to see was lightning striking over hills on the horizon.
south city now has 15 20-floor towers, houses 1200+ families that own 2000+ cars. i’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
this story doesn’t end where i make my exit in 2006. in fact, namma bengaluru seems to be hurtling determinedly forward on a horrifying suicide mission. i can only hope i don’t live long enough to witness the end. a laid back, lovely city once called the “garden city” is now proud to has institutionalized the term “bangalored”. yes, these are incredible achievements…and i’ve ridden the wave of relentless economic pursuit, i’m rather ashamed to admit.
that is bengaluru for you…and there's no one to blame but me – the quintessential
is this my soul?
is this my soul? no, dont think so...
can i write about how i met my wife? what we spoke about on our first "date"? my feelings and emotions when we decided to "go for it"? not likely - a man can change, but this me doesn't think i can write about stuff like that.
why? i speak about this stuff to my friends...so why not on blog? my only answer is that the human mind is weird...
you, my revered reader (assuming someone actually reads this), will know very well....
for me, this is something i do when i'm bored. thats why some of this stuff is "piecemeal" - you know what they say about an idle mind...not that its the devil's workshop but the more common sense fact that its mostly "stream of consciousness"...
i write about my friend Kaspar, CA days, then someone tags me, and then, this nonsense...no wonder i dont have a fan following!!!
shit! i been "tagged"
shit! i been "tagged"...what m i sposed to do????
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ok, checked it out on wikipedia...apparently, im sposed to expose 8 random facts/ habits 'bout mself - wy wud ny one wan to no stuff lik dat? this e-world has gone mad, or was it always like this? doesn't matter, a man's gotta do what he's gotta do..
8 - Stevie King maniac - i've read "The Dark Tower" books (all the 4000+ pages) at least 5 times
7 - rock, hard rock, progressive rock, symphonic rock, sympho-porgressive rock, metal, heavy metal, progressive metal, symphonic metal...i could go on but i think you get the picture?
6 - closet introvert - if you meet me, you'll never guess how quiet i am when i'm alone
5 - formula 1 freak - thats the only time of the week that i'm obsessed with the television, vent my anger on the electricity suppliers, cable operators, the rain gods, the bloody government, the estate agent who showed us this house and even my wife if something goes wrong and interrupts my viewing
4 - sucker for dimples - just ask my wife ;)
3 - naive and arrogant - a heady mix
2 - travelaholic - the thrill of a new country or a place you've never been or have been before and love, is a terrific adrenaline rush
1 - nature buff - i'd choose to sit and watch the mist spar with the mountains, or the waves fight the shore all day than most other things;
i'm a stranger in a strange e-land,
all alone wihout a friend to hold my hand,
nor to tag, but thats the law of the sand
(sorry, couldn't think of anything else that rhymes!)
so, this is the end, my friend,
see you soon on the other side of the moon.
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ok, checked it out on wikipedia...apparently, im sposed to expose 8 random facts/ habits 'bout mself - wy wud ny one wan to no stuff lik dat? this e-world has gone mad, or was it always like this? doesn't matter, a man's gotta do what he's gotta do..
8 - Stevie King maniac - i've read "The Dark Tower" books (all the 4000+ pages) at least 5 times
7 - rock, hard rock, progressive rock, symphonic rock, sympho-porgressive rock, metal, heavy metal, progressive metal, symphonic metal...i could go on but i think you get the picture?
6 - closet introvert - if you meet me, you'll never guess how quiet i am when i'm alone
5 - formula 1 freak - thats the only time of the week that i'm obsessed with the television, vent my anger on the electricity suppliers, cable operators, the rain gods, the bloody government, the estate agent who showed us this house and even my wife if something goes wrong and interrupts my viewing
4 - sucker for dimples - just ask my wife ;)
3 - naive and arrogant - a heady mix
2 - travelaholic - the thrill of a new country or a place you've never been or have been before and love, is a terrific adrenaline rush
1 - nature buff - i'd choose to sit and watch the mist spar with the mountains, or the waves fight the shore all day than most other things;
i'm a stranger in a strange e-land,
all alone wihout a friend to hold my hand,
nor to tag, but thats the law of the sand
(sorry, couldn't think of anything else that rhymes!)
so, this is the end, my friend,
see you soon on the other side of the moon.
Days of Thunder (and lightning, tornados, cyclones)
since i've started this blog thingy rather late in life, i'm gonna have to re-create my past. and the first phase of my life that i want to "re-create"(certainly not re-live) are my CA days (the thunder, lightning etc. etc....)
i'm a survivor. i survived all that the ICAI (the institute that runs the "show"), my teachers, instructors, examiners, paper-setters, fee-collectors and fellow "students" threw at me.... i survived!!
most parts are stowed away in some obscure corner of my memory and that place to too dark and dangerous to enter...but i must because some of it was
good:
- i've learnt so much about how to face adversity
- some (most? all?) of my best friends are from my CA days
- i've got more work experience than most of my (non-CA) peers since i started working full-time at 18
- i've learnt how to work 16-17 hours a day - yes, it is a good thing (to learn how to)
- its added the letters to my name that really matter (ACA)
bad:
- i had to survive it!
- i missed all of most of my college years since i started working full-time at 18!
- i had to work 16-17 hours a day - no, its not a good thing (to actually have to do)
ugly:
- 8 years! i started in earnest almost 4 years later than i should have
now, i'm just another simpleton - a struggling, working class tambram (more on that last word later...) struggling to make ends meet. having dedication, loyalty, and blood, sweat and tears as your only real competencies can be tough but i seem to have got away with it so far!
the show must go on...
i'm a survivor. i survived all that the ICAI (the institute that runs the "show"), my teachers, instructors, examiners, paper-setters, fee-collectors and fellow "students" threw at me.... i survived!!
most parts are stowed away in some obscure corner of my memory and that place to too dark and dangerous to enter...but i must because some of it was
good:
- i've learnt so much about how to face adversity
- some (most? all?) of my best friends are from my CA days
- i've got more work experience than most of my (non-CA) peers since i started working full-time at 18
- i've learnt how to work 16-17 hours a day - yes, it is a good thing (to learn how to)
- its added the letters to my name that really matter (ACA)
bad:
- i had to survive it!
- i missed all of most of my college years since i started working full-time at 18!
- i had to work 16-17 hours a day - no, its not a good thing (to actually have to do)
ugly:
- 8 years! i started in earnest almost 4 years later than i should have
now, i'm just another simpleton - a struggling, working class tambram (more on that last word later...) struggling to make ends meet. having dedication, loyalty, and blood, sweat and tears as your only real competencies can be tough but i seem to have got away with it so far!
the show must go on...
The Big Bang Theory
got your attention with the title?
gotcha! this blog has nothing to do with astronomy or science. on the contrary, "the big bang" refers to my entry into the world of "nothing's private any more"... (what hype?)!
the seeds for these "echoes" were sown on the day of the loss of a family member - my German Shepherd brother Kaspar. Kaspar was my buddy through the toughest years of my life when i was struggling through my CA days (years?) and he's surely made his mark on my world (quite a few of them on my hands!).
Kappy, if you are in another life and can read (english), then this one's for you, buddy!
gotcha! this blog has nothing to do with astronomy or science. on the contrary, "the big bang" refers to my entry into the world of "nothing's private any more"... (what hype?)!
the seeds for these "echoes" were sown on the day of the loss of a family member - my German Shepherd brother Kaspar. Kaspar was my buddy through the toughest years of my life when i was struggling through my CA days (years?) and he's surely made his mark on my world (quite a few of them on my hands!).
Kappy, if you are in another life and can read (english), then this one's for you, buddy!
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