illusions of reality

I. disillusion

used to see in colour
but now its only flashes of black and white.
tantalizing sensations
all that i touch burns my fingers.
used to hear you sing to me
but now its only sounds that hurt my ears.
no more sweet languages
only words that make no sense anymore.

built this fortress stone by stone
protection from the evil world.
one by one i left behind
everything that was dear to me.
but now its all gone,
even my decadent mind is not my own now.

II. despair

used to be the lucky one
but now i always draw the shortest straw.
mystifying choices
don’t know which is worse, isolation or remorse.
used to have a magic touch
but now all my spells are voodoo hexes.
my wishes have been granted
and my worst dreams have come true.

built this fortress stone by stone
protection from the evil world.
one by one i left behind
everything that was dear to me.
but now that i want to break free
i’m trapped by my own creation.


III. discovery

is my disillusion and despair real?
or a figment of my infidel mind?
was i trying to escape from my own illusions of reality?
all that colour, those tantalizing sensations;
is that my past, erased forever
or just my suppressed memories?
is everything i once loved waiting out there for me?
should i live in despair or die recovering my desire?

built this fortress stone by stone
and now i’ll break it down.
one by one i will bring together
everything i have left behind.
and now that i want to break free
will my own creation hold me back?

IV. desire

didn’t know how long it would take
or how hard it would be.
didn’t know where the road i had to take would lead
but i had to find my way out of the madness.
somewhere along the way, my illusion turned into an infinite void
and my insanity leaked into the endless ocean of delirium.
now i’m in a vast emptiness surrounded by broken stones
and a whole world of colour and undiscovered sensations.

built this fortress stone by stone
and now i’ll break it down.
one by one i will bring together
everything i have left behind.
and now that i want to break free
i know my own creation wont hold me back.


- satyajit venkatraman
29th june 2010

(inspired by “Black and White World” by Redemption)